We have black oil, on black sand
Green colors like green crayons
Have the yellow sun spinning us around
Like an orange, orange, and orange corn
Growing red beans and red rice
Blue pigs with red and blue lights
Under blue clouds over a beautiful sight
I'm in a blue tree, wearing a blue coat
Blue ink for writing a blue note
Blue hope, and blue dreams
Red white and blue flags over blue grass and swing
With blue mood swings, and blue blood streams
Reading blue writing while singing the blues
Then I fall off the side and I hang by a noose
Now my face is blue, my neck is too
Then I close my blue eyes and I imagine you
It is ok. It is more like poetry than rap. I don't understand what the point of this rap is? colors? try to make your message more clear. You said "orange" too many times in one rhyme. So re-do it and change it so people can understand the message you are getting across. And don't say the same word too many times in just one rhyme.
Seriously consider laying off the mushrooms! Your imagery is very vivid, not something typically associated with rap. Rap is about attitude and intent, its not what you're saying so much as how you're saying it, making it hard to analyze rap just by reading it.
and to adl_tx: rap died when Nelly started singing about his shoes!
I want some of whatever you're having.
I Love The Metephoric Feel Youre Giving Off!!!
Love It!!
It MAY Need Just A Little Wirk But Its Fine Now!!
The wheels on the bus go round and round
Round and round
Round and round...
Poetry needs a bit of work....
As for Rap.....Well, forget it.
Rap music is not as popular as it was years ago. Too
much associated with "street gang culture".
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I like it. It could be longer though. It feels unfinished.
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